I find that many women who are newly natural or even have been in it for a while struggle with feeling sexy in their natural hair. In my experience with dating with natural hair and now marriage, hair comes secondary to all the other many facets of who you are. However there are some things you can do to enhance your natural look.
Don’t go overboard on the accessories. Your man wants to see you, not ten pounds of jewelry and accessories.
Accentuate your best features. Eyes, lips, hips…whatever your gimmick is.. work it!
Don’t feel pressured to dress naked just because your hair is natural. I’m not saying don’t get your sexy on…lol but do it with class!
Loose curls and twistouts can be very alluring. Leave your twists in until it’s time to go out. Tip: Pull your twist apart a little for extra volume without disturbing the curl definition. A little volume is sexy.
Don’t forget your ends scraggly ends distract from the style. Trim them, gel them or curl them with rollers depending on the style.
Is their a particular style your man really likes? Give him what he wants..even if just for one night.
Don’t forget your eyebrows. It’s amazing what perfectly trimmed eyebrows can do to frame your face. Get them trimmed professionally. If you don’t have eyebrows…like me, shade them in lightly with brown eyeliner or brow correcter.
Pin-ups and updos are sexy. Why? Because they reveal the nape of your neck…enough said.
Short hair don’t care! Dazzle him with a little something unexpected and girly like a small flower or hair pin. Also check out my post on styling options for your TWA.
Wear your confidence. This cannot be said enough. If think you are pretty or sexy, then it will show to others with your body language. Your confidence (not cockiness) will make you even more alluring. Most all just be you. After all, that is who he is hanging out with, right?
Do you struggle with feeling sexy with natural hair? Or, what are some of your tips for natural hair fierceness?
So, I’m having a conlict with my husband. Our oldest son has my hair texture. What does that mean? It means that when he gets a hair cut the hair starts to grow back beaded up. My husband, who has hair that lays flat and has a loose curl pattern, is like “Ugh! It [our son’s hair] doesn’t lay down when I brush it” Stating, “You know yo’ hair is nappy when you go to the store and say give me the hardest brush you got.” LOL. Of course, we had a good laugh at that one. So then, we started talking about his childhood and the stigma of being “nappy-headed.” You see, the nappy-head little boy was the bad boy. He was the one who couldn’t sit still, was always acting up in class. “Oh, you talking about James, that little nappy-headed boy down the street.”
When, my husband sees my son’s hair start to bead up, it makes him want to go get the hair clippers and shave it off. The conflict is that I don’t want his head bald. When my husband gives him a mohawk, he cuts the sides practically bald. I’m like, “Bay, why do you have our son looking like Mr. T?” His reply, “so that the hair won’t bead up as fast” He keeps going back to the stigmas of his childhood and he doesn’t want our son to be “that kid.” “Little boys, black men need to be clean cut.” Or, at least, that’s what society has told us in order to be something in life.
This is very aggravating. Though, I know that he is not alone in these sentiments. Growing up if you were arguing with another little girl you could usually win the battle by ending off, “wit yo nappy-headed self.” We’re not children anymore, but these deep-rooted sentiments have carried over into adulthood. To this day, when a little Black baby is born everyone is waiting to see if the hair is going to “turn.” Mothers are still smothering their baby’s hair in mineral oil hoping prevent the inevitable.
I’m thankful that my husband and I can laugh about this. It does not hurt any more to think that there is a part of me that he would prefer different (or, at least, tamed). These sentiments are just a part of our culture and history that comes with the territory. I will not stand in the way of my husband training our son to be a man. I will however, give our son the balance of loving self that a mother gives. I believe that as more of us embrace our natural hair and define beauty on our on terms, those old stigmas will not be an issue anymore.
Marriage has a special place in my heart. Being married with two children I can certainly relate to the difficulties of marriage. I will not judge Heidi Klum and Seal for desiring separate. There are times in a marriage when one might consider taking a break or “regrouping” so to speak. I was not even going to write about this until I saw Seal’s interview on the Tavis Smiley Show [below]. Seal’s response to the news of his separation was that they have a tremendous amount of love and respect for each which makes it easier to transition, and called it “another chapter in life.” That statement struck a cord in me.
From watching various interviews with Heidi and Seal over the years, there is no question that they have a deep love for each other and their children. Which begs the question, what’s the point? Where is your resiliency? What happened to commitment? Marriage is not a garment that you wear one day and then decide the next day that is “out of style.” However, with the number of divorces happening these days are we to conclude that the concept of marriage is outdated? Is one’s pursuit of personal dreams and personal happiness more important than staying in a committed marriage? One of the most difficult and yet most beautiful aspects of marriage is having to give part of yourself to another.
No one will ever know the real story behind why Heidi and Seal want to part ways. One can only hope that the these two poised and intelligent people would take this time apart to reevaluate their love. Perhaps like an old jacket, they will try on marriage again and see that it still “fits.”
What’s your reaction to Seal’s Tavis Smiley interview and his separation from Heidi?
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We have been conditioned to believe that kinky hair is the worst type of hair. These lies stem from our roots in the slavery and Jim Crow era of our country. We were taught as little girls that straight is best. If you come from a religious background like me, then you probably heard that “a woman’s hair is her crown and glory.” Therefore the longer your hair is, the better right? Even with all the women who are going natural, there are still those of us who just can’t let go of the perms and weaves. Here are the top 5 lies I told myself before deciding to go natural all the way.
Lie #1: Our hair does not grow
Human hair grows at the rate of 1/2″ per month or about 6 inches per year…So, are black people like cursed or something? No! The top culprit for slow hair growth is breakage. Prevent breakage by not excessively combing and blow drying the hair. Take time to properly detangle the hair and seal your ends with moisture. The second culprit is dryness. So again, take time to moisturize. Don’t use petroleum based products to moisturize because they sit on the hair and block moisture which also inhibits hair growth.
Lie #2: Black men don’t like natural hair
Here’s an issue that keeps coming up amongst many women who are natural and finding the dating scene to be a little cold now that their hair is not straight anymore. A lot of women feel that finding a good man is hard enough and the wearing natural hair will only reduce her odds. Here’s the deal. A man wants anything thing with legs and a booty. What’s going on with your hair is a factor, but a good man will actually care that you can hold a conversation. Once a man gets to know the real you, hair becomes irrelevant as long as it’s neat and well-maintained.
Lie #3: Our hair is not unmanageable
SO NOT TRUE. The key here is that knowledge is power. You can’t manage something you don’t understand. Learn how your hair behaves and adjust accordingly. We have to change our mindset about what manageable hair is. No, it won’t lay down straight, Yes, is may frizz up. I’m not being insensitive. It took me a minute to look in the mirror and say my natural hair texture is beautiful the way it is.
Lie #4: “Good” hair is better than kinky hair
This topic is like beating a dead horse. I really wish the term “good hair” would just go away. I look forward to the day the whole conversation over good hair vs. bad hair ends (that may not happen until we all go to meet Jesus…) Truth be told, every hair type has pros and cons. We must learn how to work with what we have. The real issue is that there still needs to be healing from the division and confusion that racism brought within the black community.
Lie #5: Natural hair unprofessional
This is simply not true. Any look, style or hair texture can be unprofessional if you take it to the extreme. Not even a white person with straight hair going to show up for a corporate job interview with bright blue hair color. Hair that is neat and simple is best for corporate America (unless you are the boss). Do your funky styles on the weekends . I happen to work in a predominately white environment. I am well-respected because I carry myself with professionalism and treat others as I would want to be treated. I make it a point to stand out from the crowd, not by my hair or fashion, but by my work performance.
Share your thoughts with us! Can you think of any other lies we tell ourselves?